Are You Happy Now?
by aroseisarose
Summary: Songfic based on Michelle Branch's latest single. Carter thinks about the past year. Contains spoilers for S9 finale.


A/n – This is based off of Season Nine's finale, so you have been warned. Also, I haven't written ER fanfiction in quite a long while, so please review! The song is "Are You Happy Now?" by Michelle Branch

Disclaimer: ER isn't mine, so please don't sue! TPTB own Carter and Abby!
    
    _Now, don't just walk away_
    
    _Pretending everything's ok_
    
    _And you don't care about me_
    
    _And I know there's just no use_
    
    _When all your lies become your truths and I don't care... yeah, yeah, yeah_
    
    Why has it come to this? Why is my life this way? This time last year I didn't know if I would live, if we would live, and here I am. I still love her, but it seems like the both of us are doing this just to do it. I know that I've asked her to marry me, but when she didn't say yes, I knew that this wasn't going to last. You can only date for so long, know someone so well, and if nothing happens soon, I'm ready to throw my hands up. We've entered a stalemate, unable to move or make a choice. 
    
    _Could you look me in the eye _
    
    _And tell me that you're happy now, ohhh, ohhh_
    
    _Would you tell it to my face or have I been erased, _
    
    _Are you happy now? _
    
    _Are you happy now?_ 
    
     Maybe this was never meant to be, never to work out. Abby, she's had her struggles with alcohol and I've had mine with drugs. I can't lean on her forever, and she won't lean on anyone. She's gone through hell and back ever since she was a little girl. It's hard to see her as a little girl, but every once and a while she'll let me get a glimpse of the child that she used to be—or maybe the child that she never was. There is only so much to give and so much to take, and I think that I've reached the limit. 
    
    _You took all there was to take, _
    
    _And left with an empty plate _
    
    _And you don't care about it, yeah. _
    
    _And I, I've given up this game _
    
    _I'm leaving you with all the blame cause I don't care, yeah, yeah yeah,_
    
     I can't just let her go, but I can't stay here either. She's been left by men her whole life, and I don't want to next on the list. She told me she didn't want me to fix her, she said that she wasn't broken. Denying everything until the end, this horrible inevitable end. I wanted to marry her, I love her, but I can't do this forever. I've told her that I love her and said that I'd always be there. Now I feel like a traitor for telling her that and feeling like this. 
    
    _Could you look me in the eye? _
    
    _And tell me that you're happy now, oohh oohhh_
    
    _Would you tell it to my face or have I been erased, _
    
    _Are you happy now? Ohhh, ohhhh_
    
    _Are you happy now?_
    
    I've had the entire plane ride back to think about her, about us. This past year has been hell for both of us. Abby now has to contend with both Eric and Maggie and all the crap that comes with that disease. I want to help her, be there for her, but she won't let me. Gamma's death is one of the worst things that have ever happened to me. She was my both my parents after Bobby died. She was the only one who gave a damn about what happened to me when I was growing up. Mom had checked out and Dad was off giving away pieces of the Carter fortune. 
    
    _Do you have everything you want?_
    
    _You can get up and give everything you've got_
    
    _You can't run away from yourself_
    
    We are kindred souls in so many ways; maybe that's why I'm ready to give up. We have messed up families, we have our addictions, and we have pasts that are long and complicated. She told me once that maybe I should date a virgin if I didn't want a girl with a history. Then I told her that I would settle for her, settle being the keyword. Maybe we both settled for the other. She settled for me, I was the one who was no better than the druggies that come in to the ER day after day. 
    
    _Could you look me in the eye?_ 
    
    _and tell me that you're happy now, oohh oohhh_
    
    _come on tell it to my face or have I been erased, _
    
    _are you happy now? Ohhh, ohhhh_
    
    _Are you happy now?_
    
    She's so beautiful when she sleeps. One more night of dreams and then we'll have to talk. Talk about why we're here doing what we're doing. When I had that gun pointed at my head, I thought of her. Before I would have thought that I would have thought of Gamma or of my parents. The only think that I could think of was of Abby being told that I was dead and having no one. It's not that I don't love her, I do. I just don't know how much longer we can keep going like this.
    
    _Would you look me in the eye?_
    
    _Could you look me in the eye?_
    
    _I've had that all I can take_
    
    _And I'm about to break_
    
    _Cause I'm happy now, ohhh, ohhh_

_Are you happy now_?


End file.
